Amor vincit omnia ... what am I? Pollyanna!?

Stuff I like this month:

+ DANIEL!
+ Dresses
+ Being kissed by someone who knows what they're doing.
+ That warm fuzzy feeling you get when hanging around with friends
+ Making folk laugh
+ Sunrises
+ Stockings
+ Severus Snape

Stuff I don't like:
+  Mom being so down
+Waiting

HE IS SO FRICKEN PERFECT!

What's happened to me? A few weeks ago I was this angsty, bitter, cynical human beings all of a sudden I'm disgustingly soppy! I understand the lyrics to love songs! What the heck is going on?!

I'M EVEN TRYING NOT TO SWEAR BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE IT!!!

I'm turning into a disney princess. A rounded disney princess but still. Honestly. Please, I beg you, if I start singing with small fluffy animals please shoot me.

(But seriously, he really is perfect, intelligent, funny, wonderfully warm, perfect at kissing, perfect at everything really. Oh and he's probably the sexiest person on the planet BAR NONE! - sorry Jason Isaacs, Alan Rickman and Johnney Depp *sighs*)

*cough* Someone would think I was proud of myself...anyway. After much much searching I finally came up with this recipie ALL ON MY OWN! For mom, because she can't really taste anything at the minute I wanted to come up with something that would be like POW on the tastebuds, y'know? Seriously, I hate blowing my own trumpet (or saxamaphone, whatever) but this is really REALLY yummy :) Not for the delicate of palette!

Sticky 'n' Spicy chicken with Sweet Noodles

Ingredients

Olive oil

Approx 6 Chicken fillets cut into bite size pieces [alternatively you can use Quorn as a vegetarian option]

1 and a half tsps lemon grass

Approx 4 oz plain flour

Zest and juice of 2 oranges

1 and a half tsps of chilli powder

Half a tsp of chilli flakes

Finely chopped carrots, spring onions, peppers (green best), baby corn and mangetout

Approx 5 fl oz rice vinegar

Aprox 5oz of castor sugar

4 tbsps soy sauce (I find dark best because of it's stronger flavour)

About an inch and a half of fresh ginger/four or five tsps of ground ginger (this can vary according to taste)

How too: -

1) Cover the chicken pieces in a little oil and set aside for a moment.

2) In a seperate bowl mix the flour, half a tsp of the chilli powder, all the lemongrass and the orange zest. Pour the flour mix over the chicken pieces and stir it all with your hands to coat the chicken pieces. Get stuck in! Fry the coated chicken pieces until the meat is sealed.

3) Set a pan of water to boil - add the juice of your oranges and a small bit of your ginger.

4) Whilst your waiting for your water to boil stick your rice wine vinegar, castor sugar and soy sauce into a VERY hot pan/wok along with the rest of your ginger, the remaining tsp of chilli powder and all the chilli flakes. Let the bugger boil for about 3-5 minutes

5) Chuck the sealed chicken pieces into the sauce and stir fry for about 3-5 minutes (the sauce should be quite sticky at this point and clinging to the chickeny bits), then chick in your chopped veggies and the mangetout and stir for about 1-2 mins. Stick the noodles in the boiling water and cook for as long as the manufacturer instructs.

6) Serve as you like it -either with noodles, sauce and chicken bits or separate :) )

Good lord! I never realised how much fun I could have doing research! Isn't poison fascinating? Have you ever looked before? I mean wow-whee! Lookit! Did you know - for example - that Cyanide tastes faintly of burnt almods, they used to use Arsenic to get a nice green colour in mint humbugs (!) and mercury can bring on something called Pink Disease?! This is so fricken cool! The aquesition of knowlege! *nerdgasm*

Anyway. Scary as this little rant is, it's merely research to back up the play I'm attempting to write (some of you know, some of you don't ;)) I *am* working on various deviantions/costumes/weird-ass sketches etc to be posting on here, just taking my time with it/

xXx

p.s. Anyone else had amoxacillin from the doctors before? Doesn't it taste fricken aweful?

The Fine Art of Poisoning or The Dangers of Hatred
By M.

“Interview beginning at…seven thirty two…march third…and the year is eighteen eighty seven…you caught all that Bobby?” The officer looked at the young policeman who was hastily scribbling notes in short hand who nodded silently.

 

“Yes, Sergeant Coal.”

 

“Very good. Any time you like Mrs. Ward.” The officer sat down opposite a rather grey looking lady who was dressed in a pleasant blue dress with an equally pleasant smile. A tea set and a few delicates were set out on the table before them. For someone who had just lost their husband, she didn’t look particularly grieved.

 

“Thank you officer. Hm. Now where should I begin?”

 

Interview start: 19:32, March 3^rd, 1887

 

My husband was a handsome man. There’s no denying it anyway you look at it. Tall, broad shouldered, trim waisted with a mop of dark auburn hair and a straight, unbroken nose. His eyes were the colour of the sky on a crisp spring day and his smile was nothing short of radiant.

 

Do I still love him? Of course I do, what an absurd question. Please don’t interrupt me if you want to hear the whole thing…do I still love him, tch.

 

Where was I?

 

Oh yes. Arthur. Arthur Ward was his name and I, lowly little Penny Lann from Scorpes, his wife. Who would have thought? I’m sure our marriage was some sort of black magic trick performed by my mother and his. The wedding it’s self was magical. I wore a white dress with a blue sash, he was in a black suit, looking sombre and just a shade too grim for a groom. I should have known.

 

He never wanted me. You must see that? I’m not exactly the most beautiful creature on the planet, am I? Dull hair, dull eyes, nothing special about my face. I thought it was magic that had brought him to me. I fell so heavily and so deeply in love that I was almost smothered by it. I used every trick, every book, every word of womanly wiles at my disposal to coax him into giving me children and, eventually, he did.

 

You’ve met Daisy, Laurel and Thomas haven’t you? I’m so very proud of them, they look just like their Father…so beautiful…will I be able to see them? No? Oh. That’s a shame, isn’t it? Would you like some tea? I believe the scones are in perfect order if you’d rather?

 

So. In quick succession my fine beautiful children were born and almost as soon as Thomas – he’s the youngest – was born, I felt my grasp of Arthur start to slip…he just…drifted away from me. Oh don’t get me wrong, he was a wonderful Father but I never got a smile. He kissed me like I was an aunt to be placated. When we embraced, he seemed to be waiting for the moment when propriety would allow him to shove me away. My heart was breaking. No matter what I did he wouldn’t respond to me. Eventually he began pulling away from our children. He wouldn’t play with them so much, he would pull away from them and make up excuses as to why he couldn’t read to them.

 

I couldn’t have that. Do you understand? I knew the pain of watching him pull away, I would not have my children have the same. They were too young for that, too innocent. Do you understand?

 

There’s napkins to your left…you’ve just dipped your elbow in the jam.

 

Anyway. It wasn’t long before I caught him dallying with one of the parlour maids. He had fathered a child with her before he’d fathered our. She had her claws deep in him. Moira Oat was her name. A pretty little scrap of a girl really. Very pretty. They made a handsome pair.

 

I think when I found them together on the kitchen table that was it. That was the moment I decided. Arthur begged and threatened, cajoled and promised in turns, bargained with me to not tell anyone. The scandal would undo his family apparently. I agreed. Or rather. On the surface I agreed. I watched from the corner of my eye as I practiced needlework, watched them titter over each other, watched my children’s hearts begin to crack and break over the loss of their father.

 

That would not do.

 

I used poison. Mercury. Nice and slow. Nice and gentle. I’d smear it gently on the inside of his cup, her spoon, his fork, her plate. Anything, in fact that I thought they might use. She went mad first. Little Moira Oat. Threw herself off the roof of the manor onto the railings. Shame really. I’ll never be able to get that stain out of the railings…oh yes, you know the ones? Those sharp white ones out the window there? Can you see? That’s where she landed, it went right through her stomach.

 

The Children had nightmares for weeks.

 

Anyway. I watched as Arthur withered, loosing his beauty. I watched and upped the dosage, spreading it on a little thicker. Arthur lost his mind and went to the roof where his…where his doxy had thrown herself over. I pushed him. I told him I was tired of watching the children being hurt and then I pushed him. I guess I could have told the authorities…well, I could have told you it was suicide except it doesn’t seem quite fair after all my hard work.

 

Besides. I’ve learned more about poisoning since then which is why you haven’t noticed the taste of arsenic in your tea or the scones, officers…feeling a little faint? You look pale? Let me take that cup from you, Sergeant Coal – oh! Bobby you seem to have fallen from your chair. Why don’t you lie down for a moment, Sergeant? You may feel better…”

M'kay so a couple of good newsies...

Firstly, and hold on to your hat btw, one of moms cancerous lumps (the one under her arm, the REALLY dangerous one because it was RIGHT next to the lymph gland which - apparently - can carry cancer all over the body, is NOT good) has completely buggered off! Huzzah! ComplETELY ignoring the uh, small rant about Doctors previously, the nurses and such at Aberdeen hospital ROCK!

Secondly, and this is even weirder...I...have a job o_O It's the truth! On sunday 1st I have to teach a bunch of 8yr olds how to decorate cupcakes! (I promise to put up artistic-y photo's as soon as ) ...I'm actually getting PAID for doing what I love! Weird or WHAT?!

Seriously. I changed the beds and I hovered. That is IT. Literally. I'm contemplating doing a corset - with all the bowel clenching dread that entails - and I can not for the LIFE of me think of a decent plot for the second installment of my Hellboy fic...I MEAN C'MAWN UNIVERSE! LEND ME A FLIPPER HERE!

On a more positive note, we ordered moms wigs, she's doing super well and...um...nope. That's it.

 YES!!!!! IT'S THE NOSTRILS OF DOOOOOOM! ... that double chin was played by someone else! (very talents blob of fat btw!)

For fuck sake.

Honestly.

Just when I think I've got my fucking life straightened out and on track a huge heap of shit falls out of the sky and lands right the fuck on me. I'm so SICK of this god damned CYCLE, my life seems to be going great - or at least fine - and then bang, something falls on me - mom being sick, my dad being an asshole, digging up some shitty so called fucking 'secret' about my family like finding out that actually Uncle Paul wasn't exactly as virtuous as I though and there's a cousin out there (with a strong possiblitiy of many more apparently) wandering around that I've never met.

So what's wrong now? My moms got breast cancer. I'm really, really pissed off with my stepdad and my moms husband. I have no boyfriend (SUR-FUCKING-PRISE BTW) and no prospects of ever having one ever again. My heads fucked and I really DON'T want to go to therapy tommorow. ..

what do I want?

Fuck, right now I just want to curl up and explode. Or kill something. Or scream until my throat bleeds. Or rip my hair out (hah! I could give it to mom!). I'm So SO fucking tired of this life! When the hell is it going to get better? AND STAY BETTER?! Gods I can see me looking back on this and telling myself off for being such a stupid self pitying cunt but right now I just can't deal with it any more. I can't. There's no one I can lean on any more and I don't know if I can trust myself. Shit. I feel about five years old. What do I do?!

love you




Mah kitchen

I hate doctors.

Seriously. I hate them (bar all the fictional ones I like...and that's probably only because I've never had the chance to actually interact with them) or at least, all the ones who deal with my mother and me.

Check this out.

In my moms chemo book (you get this stupid self help thing that's basically a booklet of god damned commensense that any child over three years of age could work out but anyway) it said that if you have a raised temperature/feel like you have cold/sore throat and a list of other symptoms then you've got to ring this bloody number. Mom does. Keep in mind this is...4am. So the DOCTOR she speaks to on the other end of the line tells her to go into hospital - BECAUSE SHE HAS A SORE THROAT AND RAISED TEMPERATURE!!!!

(Side line. Ok I KNOW it's dangerous for folks on chemo because your white blood cell count - or your immune system in laymans terms - hits the fucking floor but jesus christ! Wait for it.)

So she goes in (at 4am) and has to wait for a bed. Then she has to wait for someone to do a blood test. Then she has to wait for someone to bring antibiotics. Then she has to wait for all sorts of other shit and she's awake ALL DAY because her room (she had to have one on her own in case she passes her 'infection' to teh other chemo patients...totally understandable really) also has a store cupboard so folks (nurses, doctors etc) are walking in and out ALL day (without knocking or saying excuse me)

On top of that she's got a psycho fucking moron of a doctor (this particular female Doctor we shall call Doctor A, Doctor A thinks that the sun shines out of her own arsehole.) who wants to get moms tits out at every available opportunity - uh, excuse me Doctor A but what the fuck does the size of the cancerous lump have to do with mom having a sore throat? Anyone know? Anyone at all? What?! Is it that the lumps so big its blocking off her glands?? Her airway perhaps?

Moving on.

So now she's on 7 lots of antibotics a day (that's two full bags - you've probably seen them in the movies - plus two bottles and three syringes per go) because - and here I quote - "just in case" .... JUST IN FUCKING CASE?! ExCUSE me?! That's fucking doctor talk for 'oops, sorry we don't know what the problem is but we'll pump you full of shite anyway, ok?'.

Oh and she didn't get any sleep last night because some poor soul started drowning in her own fluids and they ('they' being the doctors of course) couldn't find the suction...thingy. Which really couldn't have been nice to listen too. And she didn't get any sleep to day because of - repeat as necissary.

M is not a happy bunny. Not at all. M might have to whack-a-bitch.

But, the upside is. I feel better for this rant.

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: in red
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a Meteor Shower
6. given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld/Land
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in Paris
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snowfort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden a Gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michaelangelo's David in person
41. Sung Karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold girl scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching
63. Received flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. Bounced a cheque
68. flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a Quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one

95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the great salt lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4790068/1/Till_Death_Do_Us_Part

Hee hee hee hee. Hellboy fic :D

I HAVE LEFT COLLEGE!! PARTY ON PEOPLE PARTY OOOOOOOON!

Ok so I'm a little excited *cough* but anyway. I AM working on art/textil-y things for here - Corsets are my new thing, thanks to looking up the divine Mr Pearl. I really need an alias...somehow I don't think Miss Owl is appropriate for lingerie?

Stuff I like this month:

+ Goggles
+ Ear cuffs
+ Dirty stories
+ Books and beans
+ Rampant sex
+ Eulalia
+ That warm fuzzy feeling you get when hanging around with friends
+ Getting homework done
+ Making folk laugh
+ Sunrises
+ Thick frost when I don't have to walk through it
+ Stockings
+ Seamed stockings
+ Prawn marie rose salads
+ Hellboy (still)
+ Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace) 's joker

Stuff I don't like:
+  Mom's cancer
+ My homework
+ Being freezing friggin cold AGAIN
+ Having to keep an eye on the time almost constantly so I don't miss anything
+ Drifting out of conversations only to find I've missed something important.
+ My friends going through such hard times.
 

My wings are unbroken
They're fifty foot high
Spread either side of me
But I'm unable to fly

My wings are snow white
Soft as a summers breeze
They're protective and productive
But riddled with disease

My wings will hold you safely
Keep you safe from harm
You will be protected
While I'm battered by the storm

My wings will sustain you
They'll heal your aches and pains
Please don't pity me, dear one
I'm happy in my chains.

I shall keep the fires lit for you
Whilst you are fighting hard
I shall hold your shield and sword
When you are far too tired.
I shall stand and be a crutch for you
When your legs have given out
I shall scream your battle cries
When your voice has given out
With banners drawn and heads held high
We'll surely win the day.
If cost there be to win this fight
I'll be the one to pay
I'll fight for you when you need me
I'm right here, please just call
I'll take the weight of your burden
I'll help you to stand tall.

I've just got back from a TEN HOUR car trip with my family. I swear I'm going to kill my dad O_O I MEAN AUGH! Doesn't he EVER listen to anyone? Even mom (of the extreamly patient) was ready to hit him over the head with a large blunt object.

Anyway.

so Christmas was. Um. Different. Everyone caught major man-flu so christmas crackers were interspersed with sneezes, coughs and general lumps of phlegm flying around everywhere...actually stick a bell on a lump of phlegm and you've got something that looks almost like Santa Claus...gimmie a break I've been stuck in a car for ten hours, everything's funny. SO on top of the fact that moms weirdo hippy alternative therapy treatment gave her bruises on her back that make her look like a bar code I've also got to a) be nice to my family (whilst having raging rip-the-head-off-fluffy-things PMT) b)avoid my nan without making it seem like I'm avoiding her C) help my mom cope with EVERYTHING oh yeah and d) get through the monsterious mountain of homework that I've let fester over the holiday...

Or I could just pack it in and get very, VERY drunk...choices choices...